10.19.2008
"Cold Feet" Experiment
"Cold feet" is generally used as a metaphor to signify misgivings about getting married, buying a house, or some other large commitment. Recently I set out to discover how this metaphor actually works by subjecting my feet to near-freezing temperatures for an entire night. Sleeping in a state park in an old and compromised sleeping bag, I was able to maintain a consistent temperature of forty degrees Fahrenheit for my feet over a period of seven hours while the rest of my body was kept quite warm. The first thing I noticed through this experiment was a large measure of unpleasantness in and around the area occupied by my feet. As expected, this sensation continued for the duration of the experiment and beyond into most of the next morning. As for the metaphor, I can certainly see a correlation in the degree of unpleasantness conferred by the two types of experiences involved. But while actual cold feet are unpleasant for one or at most two people only in the area of the feet, metaphorical cold feet are unpleasant all around. Also, metaphorical cold feet tend to manifest at a critical moment, while actual cold feet can happen whenever feet are inadequately insulated. Despite it's misgivings, "cold feet" has been part of the English lexicon for more than a century now, and it remains an apt and virtually indisputable metaphor. For anyone thinking of using the above methods, I strongly caution you to not get cold feet. No wait... I mean do get "cold feet" when it comes to getting cold feet.
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I question your methods. Where was the replication? Also, it seemed like the one participant in the study entered the process with a bias of never having been married. A better experimental design would include a stratified random sample of at least 100 male participants of mixed age, and heritage. Fifty percent of the group should include married participants, the other fifty should include unmarried participants. Future studies might include a sampling of divorced or remarried subjects, female subjects, and while we're at it you can conduct additional tests on gay, bisexual, and transgender participants. You can be the first to test whether or not age, gender, heritage, past marital experiences, and sexual orientation have a significant impact on coldness of feet. Let's just make sure none of these tests challenge the traditional definition of marriage though. God forbid.
ReplyDeleteOops. That was my alias. You should just come clean and admit that you are homeless (not to mention kind of suspicious) and not really conducting an experiment. We'll still love you.
ReplyDeleteThe replication was built-in by the nature of the study, which involved two feet. Alright, I'll admit it's totally anecdotal and not an experiment, but it was fun to write. And while I may not have ever been married, I have entered into other large commitments that could potentially have induced cold feet. As for the "suspicious" comment, between the two of us whose the one using aliases? I think you're trying to divert attention away from the fact that you have multiple personalities.
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